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PAIN…Why would we talk about it? It is painful and uncomfortable! But can pain serve us?
Over the years we have learned that you must be able to differentiate between PAIN and SUFFERING.
Pain is something that happens momentarily. You might be walking down the street, near a baseball game and all of a sudden you hear a huge roar of the crowd. You look over just to see the home run ball come flying over and WHAP! It hit you in the arm and you then scream “OOUCCCHH!!!!” That “black and blue” welt that is about to occur in your arm is PAIN. The pain lasts for a few moments (or days) and eventually fades away.
If three months later you are still walking around thinking, “because that baseball hit me in the arm THAT is why I don’t have the love of my life or THAT is the pain that caused me to lose my job..” you now allow suffering to occur.
SUFFERING is the meaning that you mentally and emotionally attach to an event that allows a moment of pain to extend far into the future.
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For you to prolong or keep hurting for a week, a month or even the entire day that’s the meaning you’ve associated with the situation that you are allowing to repeat itself again and again and again. Let’s say you have a bad day and you lose out on a deal, lose out a couple of customers and you get fight at home with your significant other.
They ask, “How are you doing?”
You say, “HORRIBLE!”
“Why?”
“Everything in my life is a disaster right now!”
“Really? Can’t you at least say something that is something good with your life right now?”
“NO!”
Let’s pause right here and look at the exaggeration of language.
What’s going wrong in your life? EVERYTHING IS A DISASTER! Really? Stop in this moment and challenge that thought..
Every little thing is a disaster?
Can you still see? YES
Can you still breathe? YES
Do you live in a free place where you have the option of choices in your life? YES
Do you have the ability to educate yourself online with the internet or with books at the library? YES
So..everything in your life is horrible or did you have a bad 5 minutes and are now dragging that around and calling it a bad day?
There’s a lady named Byron Katie who created something like THE WORK. If you have a belief that says everything in my life is screwed up – challenge it!
Challenge it by saying:
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Is that true?
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Is it true all the time, everywhere, no matter what? (PS nothing is, not even gravity)
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Who are you when you believe that to be true? Are you the best, most passionate, determined, focus and resilient version of yourself? Or are you a frustrated, sad or wimpy beat up version of yourself?
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Who would you be without this thought?
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Now the final step, turn it around. Find a reciprocal. Maybe it’s a simple – not everything in my life is screwed up right now. You can swap it out with what ever you’d like just make sure that the new replacement thought helps you to become a happier, healthier and more fulfilled version of yourself.
Here is another great tip to get through pain…
There’s a book called The Tools and in this book the authors recommend that their psychologists and therapists recommend taking pain and normally what happens is that there’s a cloud of pain right in front of you. What they say is use the pain meaning look at the painful events that is standing between you and the outcome you want, walk towards it and start chanting in your head – I love pain! Charge right into it and what happens is the cloud soaks you in and your part of it and poof! It spits you out the other side and now you’re at the freedom you always dreamed of.
Hope you enjoy todays episode!
To your success,
Jairek