Some people are good at building deep connections with others. Others don’t have a clue. Which group do you want to be in?

Finding joy in life depends on how good you are at building deep connections. If you’ve had problems with this, CAN I GET AN AMEN?

Think of the people you most like to be with. What can you learn from them about building deeper relationships?

Here are five things to try next time you’re with people.

1) Laugh together.

It’s a contact high. When people laugh together, they feel connected in a way that can enhance the whole experience of being together.

Laughter is also better than any medicine for relieving pain. We feel better when we do things that bring us laughs and smiles.

Do you know people who can make you laugh? What do they do or say that makes you smile and feel better?

2) Tell a story.

Stories can help people feel connected in a way that other forms of communication don’t. If you’ve ever been captivated by someone telling a story, you can appreciate this.

Stories are powerful. They bring us into the experiences of others in a way that builds emotional connections.

When you’re with people, try telling them a story. Be sure the story involves someone else in the group–or someone you know well.

Be sure the story involves a situation with a happy ending. Happy endings, spread happiness! They bring us into a world that feels good.

3) Share a secret.

Secrets are great ways to build connections with others. When we share secrets, we get vulnerable to let people know us in ways we might not otherwise be known.

This vulnerability can build empathy and increase our emotional connections with others. If you’re going to share a secret, though, be sure it can create positive feelings. If your secret is about something wrong you did (or still do), make sure you add that it’s something you no longer do… or that you have a plan to change what you’re doing.

4) HUG someone (or at least high-five them!)

Touch ushers in a flood of brain chemicals that contribute to feelings of love, excitement, and euphoria. Touching also helps build long-term relationships by reducing the stress that can contribute to relationship problems.

People tend to avoid touching others because they don’t want to be rejected, but if you get rejected, it’s no big deal. The person will soon forget it. And you’ll still feel better for having tried to connect with her.

If you’re going to touch someone, be sure she’s one of the people closest to you. If you’re not sure the person will feel comfortable being touched, ask them first.

5) Look someone in the eye and smile.

This simple act can go a long way in building positive feelings and deepening connections with others. People can sense if you’re looking at them (with something other than the desire to eat them). They will feel more connected with you because of it.

If someone isn’t feeling comfortable with eye contact, don’t do it. It’s a big turnoff when people feel uncomfortable with our attention. Often, it has to do with insecurity on the other person’s part. If you’re talking with someone who isn’t comfortable with eye contact, make sure you’re using sound eye contact principles so it feels good for them.

Try these tips and let me know what happens. I’d love to hear from you about your experiences with these ideas, as well as any other ways you connect deeper with others.

To Your Success,

Jairek Robbins