What do you do when you tell your story to family, friends, co-workers, random people and they doubt you, tell you it won’t work out, and bring up stuff that kind of drags you down?
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In your journey of entrepreneurism… getting the dream job you’ve always wanted… stepping up and marrying the person that you think is the love of your life, whatever it is on your journey, inevitably you’re going to cross paths with naysayers, people who look at you with a straight face and say to you “well, that’s a silly idea! Why would you do that?” People who talk you out of opportunities that you believe in and are really, truly amazing. People who come about and support you on one occasion, but then attempt to stop you from doing what you are doing on another occasion.
Now, inevitably you’re always going to cross paths with people like that and it’s nothing against them, but people have asked – what do you do when starting a your new business, you believe in it, you’re passionate about it – how do you get friends, family, community members to support you in your journey? How do you get people around you to be there for you when you needed them the most?
Here’s the truth, when you are looking outside yourself for support and for emotional rocket fuel to drive you forward, you are looking in the wrong direction. Yes, we all need support from time to time. Yes we all need team members to be there for us when it matters most at the same time.
In the journey of entrepreneurialism (long word!), you’re going to have to create so much belief, so much certainty, so much internal emotional rocket fuel that even if there isn’t anyone around you telling you “good job”, “you can do it”, “way to go” you keep going anyways. Because you are not doing it for the applause, you’re not doing it for the support, you’re not doing it for the love and connection. You are doing it because you believe in what you are doing.
The way to do this is to think about it. For most people, it’s scary to take that step into the unknown and step into a place where there is no guaranteed income and you are not sure what you are going to earn from month to month,, but you’re going to show up and deliver regardless of this. Sometimes what you’ve delivered in the beginning doesn’t work anymore and you’ve got to change, adapt and adjust.
Your whole industry may even get disrupted and all of a sudden you’ve got to change again, that’s part of the journey. For most people, thinking about that freaks them out that much and it would take a small army to inspire them to go out and try it.
For other people that brave the journey, here are some core elements I’ve seen in those people that are strongest:
They are fighting for something much more than themselves. They’re fighting for their family, their kids, for their community. When I say fighting, I mean working. They are fighting the battle of life, they are going after it for something much more than themselves. They found a reason or many reasons stacked together that compels them to action every day.
This reason is so compelling and so meaningful to them, that it takes a small army to keep them from following through. When they up in the morning, they put on their best outfit and they go out the door to do what they have to do. Even if the line men from the Dallas Cowboys were standing at their door, they would say, “get out of the way!” and walk right through them with total certainty because they have so much focus and intensity towards getting to their goals.
And they do it with so much intensity and passion, the whole line team would follow them out and say, “Okay let’s get it done!” This power doesn’t depend on your size, it’s the energy and passion that comes from within. In order to create this, you must find a reason that is bigger than yourself and find multiple reasons that drive you and spark a fire within.
Many people say, “I can’t find my reason!” The truth is, you’ve got to stack them every single day. So how does this work? Everyday come up with 5 more reasons as to why you’re going out there and making it happen. Then once you have come up with these 5 reasons, read the whole list. Here’s what I have realized over the years in coaching people in performance – one reason will not work all the time, but all reasons will work some of the time. The key here is that you keep on stacking more and more.
Then look at the negative side of things. What are the painful consequences that will occur in your life if you don’t follow through now? Then go back and forth – stack more pleasure, stack more pain. Pretty soon you will know it’s working when you are no longer able to sit still and think about it. When you find yourself literally standing up, storming out the door and making it happen because that’s what you call “emotional threshold.” This is when you stack and stack pain and pleasure back and forth and then you cross threshold and when you do, you are immediately in action.
Now people say, do I have to do this every day? Can’t I just wake up and want to do it? NO. That’s what it takes. Do you think an Olympic runner wakes up every morning and says, “I want to run around the tracks a few more rounds today!” That’s not necessarily how they feel all the time – some days they don’t feel like training and some days they don’t feel like running. They’ve got to pile this stuff on and say, “If I don’t train hard now, I’m going to get my butt kicked when it matters most.”
It’s a super simple concept that is super easy to understand. We’ve created a worksheet for you that will help you stack pain with pleasure.
How do you get other people on your side?
Remember this: Whatever you resist, persist.
If you are constantly pulling against them, it is going to consistently show up for you. Do something that is called aligning and redirecting. What that means is if they say, “it won’t work” instead step on their side and say, “listen, maybe you are right, maybe it won’t. But it is something that I believe in and I ask that you support me. Even if you don’t believe in the idea, at least believe in me as your brother/sister/daughter/son/ husband/wife, etc and I’d really appreciate that”