Good morning, good evening, good afternoon wherever in the world you are tuning in from! We have a very interesting topic to chat about today. It is a topic many of us probably have inklings of from time to time, a topic that is a lot of times hard to admit when you have it, yet it is a topic that I guarantee if you have it is massively slowing you down and keeping you from having or actually achieving what you want.
The topic today is something that is so important because it sneaks up on you and when it first starts, it feels that it is radically and totally justified. It feels like it’s the truth. You can’t imagine that everyone else can’t see it like you do, and you can’t believe that everyone else isn’t in the same position as you are.
The truth is, when we start to dig underneath it, when we start to get down to the real truth, when we start to get a bit of an elevated perspective, we suddenly realize that maybe, just maybe, there was that green-eyed monster that snuck in under our skin on this one; maybe there was a little, tiny bit of jealousy that snuck in there.
The topic for today is 10 tips to release jealousy from your life. I know many of you out there probably have never had this experience, you never once felt jealous of another person, you never once felt jealous of another business owner, you never once felt jealous of a competitor or someone in your space, you never once felt jealous of someone your loved one was talking to…you never ever, I know you guys out there never struggle with that! But I have, and that’s not the most fun thing to admit to the world, but when it happened, I sat down and said, what’s ten things that can really help people through this moment if they happen to run across one?
You Need Some Contrast
I found myself, in a moment, observing (and this is in business) somebody who is in the same general business as I am and I’ve watched them succeed massively. I just saw them suddenly sprout and take off. For the first couple of minutes, I was like “Wow, how exciting, how cool! Good for them!” And then after a little bit, something kind of sneaks up under the skin and you start to feel, “Wait a minute, are they really that good? Are they really in it for the right reasons?” And then you start to feel this little bit of jealousy.
I’ve found this silly little tactic tends to work really well, “At least, they’re not out there trying to hurt people!” There is something when you start to question the intent of what they are really up to, and when you compare it to something that is wildly in contrast, and that may not be the right comparison, but when you compare it, you realize that the person is good and they are trying to do good in the world, and that’s just their way of doing it.
That realization may not make the feeling of jealousy go aware completely, but it starts to recalibrate what’s true.
I have a friend who made a video calling out someone else in our industry saying “Oh my gosh, you are such a horrible person!” Now the truth is, they are a great person, actually really doing good things in the world, and that little bit of jealousy is causing the brain to pigeonhole them and cut them off, and make them as if they were a horrible human being and yet in reality they are not. They are a great person doing great things, but they are just doing it in a way that probably some of these other people won’t do. And that is why we need that contrast. They are a great person doing a good thing even if they are doing it in a way that I wouldn’t do it.
Immediately Look for 5-10 Things You Appreciate About Them
I don’t know whether you guys can hear this rain, but it is amazing right now. It is very loud on my side! Anyways, find 5-10 things you really appreciate about the person you are feeling jealousy towards and your focus will shift.
Realize It’s the Unclaimed Part of Yourself That You’re Upset About
This is really important because sometimes, we see people doing something and we judge ourselves. We don’t like that weakness or that part of ourselves and therefore we see it in them and we go “That’s evil, that’s bad, that’s horrible, that’s wrong, that’s not right!”
And because we have such a deep judgment in our own nervous system about ourselves, we take it out on them.
Realize the only Person Suffering Because of this Jealousy is You
You are the one who is experiencing the chemicals in your body. You are the one experiencing the frustration. You’re the one experiencing the pain or the anger. You’re the one whose mind is being taken over or upset.
Realize that the person you are feeling jealous about isn’t experiencing any of that. You are the only one suffering in this moment. So, choose not to suffer. Choose not to be in that place.
What You Say About Them Says More About Who You Are
I remember a mentor of mine mentioned this particular one. I remember someone asked me about someone and I described them, because of frustration, in a very harsh way. And my mentor pulled me aside and said, “There’s something I need to tell you. Someone taught me this a long time ago. How you speak about other people tells more about who you are than about what they are.”
This is because if you can’t see the good in them, if you can’t see what’s right in them, if you can’t see what’s positive about them, then that means the filter you look through only allows you to see what’s wrong, what’s not right, what’s missing or what’s bad about other people. This ultimately means that is the way you see yourself. It means you are probably not the type of person I want to hang out with if all you see in everyone and yourself is negative.
So, learn to see what’s great about them so that what is reflected back regarding who you are is the right things.
The Same Critic That Judges Them Also Judges You
This is what really hurts. When I sit down and listen to people judge the hell out of another person, I go “Wow, I’d hate to live in their head the whole day!” This is because that little judge that is constantly tearing down other people around them is also tearing down that person as well.
If someone walked around just criticizing the heck out of me, I can only imagine how small of a human being that would make them feel because they don’t feel like they are human enough. They don’t feel that they are enough. They don’t feel that they are loved enough. They don’t feel like they have enough, and so they are constantly attacking other people so they can feel okay about themselves, and that sucks.
So they might want to work on that inner critic so that once they start to see the good in their own life they might start seeing the good in other people’s lives.
Take a Detox
If you find yourself feeling jealous about other people, you need to take a detox. Create space to disconnect and refuel. You need to go somewhere and do something that allows you to get back to your best self. You need to go get some sleep, eat healthy, take a vacation, spend some time with people you love, go do something you love, go volunteer, go help other people or do any other thing that refuels your mind, body and spirit, and also helps elevate you from the animal inside of you that is in fight or flight mode characterized by a zero-sum game of “it is either them or me, that’s it” back to the spirit in you that realizes we can all win together if we can really and truly be our best selves and give our best selves every day and support each other in addition to helping each other.
Discover Your Deep or Hidden Desires
There is some part of your deep or hidden desires that is linked to the frustration or jealousy that you are feeling, so you need to discover that element. There is some part of what the other person is doing that you want but aren’t allowing yourself to have. Or you are making wrong or bad decisions or steps in order to get there. Or, you just don’t know how to get it, and so you are judging them harshly because you haven’t figured out how to get there. Realize that there is a desire and set a goal to make it happen instead of judging them!
Count and Focus on Your Blessings
Focus on what’s beautiful and amazing in your life instead of focusing on what’s missing or wrong with your life. So often, we are staring ten feet into the future and imagine “if only I could get there then everything will be perfect!” But the reality is, if you only looked at your life under a microscope and compared it to the rest of the world, you would be blown away by how well you are doing even in your moments of struggle. Therefore we need to count our blessings if we ever feel jealous.
Celebrate Your Wins and the Wins of Others
You need to sit down and realize there are so many good things going on in your life and you need to take time to actually celebrate them, actually acknowledge yourself for them. Then you need to take that same habit of acknowledging the greatness in you and turn around to that other person you were judging the hell out of and choose to acknowledge the greatness in them as well.
So, ten tips to get out of jealousy, ten tips to get back to your best self, ten tips to release that green-eyed, raging and jealous monster inside of you and get rid of them so you can get back to a great place and focus on building instead of tearing everyone else down. I hope this is helpful, I hope this is useful. Share it with someone who needs it, and I will see you all tomorrow for another chat.
To Your Success,