I got a message which has caught my attention, from one of my awesome listeners and the message says, “I have watched a lot of your videos and some of the stuff that you are saying comes from psychologists and different books that you read and other things. I am kind of in the same field and would like to jump on coaching because I have a lot of knowledge when it comes to health and fitness, etc. The biggest challenge I am facing is that I am feeling this piece of I-am-not-quite-an-expert to stand out there and tell everyone what to do with their life openly. This person said that they are suffering from what they call an “imposter syndrome.”
There’s a theory behind this, when you think about an expert it’s someone who’s claiming they are the foremost authority on a topic. Good for them! But an expert status, I don’t believe it is for someone to claim. I believe that is something that someone will say about you based on their experience on working with you. Someone called me an expert based on their experience on what I have done for them. It is a nice compliment but I would never step up and say “I’m an expert on this and that is why you should listen to me.”
How would I introduce myself on a panel with clear experts sitting around me but authentically tell people what it is I believe I do? I have thought about it and I would never say I am an expert with whatever. I just don’t jive with the term. To keep it simple — I am a lifelong learner; I am not here to tell you I know everything about any topic. I am here to tell you I am here to constantly digging up the best information available and figuring out when I apply it, what works and what doesn’t. I don’t want to be an expert, I want to be someone who always learns and grows — a scientist and a researcher. I am someone who research on human performance and provide service to people based on what I have learned and hopefully it is of great use to you.
Drop off the “expert” title, just be yourself, show them what you have and show them how to use it.
Letting Go Of Past Trauma
Next topic is about having some deep trauma in their life that existed for a significant period of time. Trauma can exist in many ways in people’s nervous systems and I don’t think trauma is a bad thing. It shapes us to become who we are and prepares us for stuff in the future. But the truth is you can come out as a better person because of a traumatic experience and as long as you associate the right meaning. If you’ve ever read the book “A Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl that talks about the will to meaning instead of the will to live. So the whole purpose of life to his eyes is to find the meaning to associate what happened and that gives you a great experience no matter what happens.
When trauma happens in your life, one of the best gifts you can give to your life is to look back at it and find an empowering meaning. Find a meaning that is worth associating to it that allows you to have freedom, feels better because of it, and allows you to become stronger for the future of life whatever it is you are working on or preparing for. That ability to transcend a traumatic experience into something that now serves you.
One of the experience I had was when I spent my 26th birthday in Fiji with a group of guys who are monks from India and I went to this whole experience which was awesome. To simply describe it — peeling back the un-units, undoing all the stuff, the clogs, the backups we’ve built up over the years (physically, mentally and emotionally). It is clearing away all those pieces so we can be an open channel for life, universe, energy and God to work through us to people who need us most.
One thing they taught is there is a phrase used many times within that week:
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is an option.”
What they meant by this is in life, you’re going to get hit and going to be put in a tough position. The moment of it happening is reality. But for the suffering to occur that means you have to keep thinking about it and feeling it, replaying it in your mind and allowing it to continue again and again — that is suffering.
How you break free of suffering is by associating it with meaning. Because the meaning is what’s causing you to get stuck.