Often I hear these major generalizations of men being cheaters, or women always nag, marriage is nothing more than a ball and chain… You name it, I’ve heard it all. Well today, I want to set the record straight.
(Tough Love Alert) In fact the only reason your past might look the same as your present, or future, is because you allow it to and in a today’s JRCtv episode I’m going to tell you how.
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When you enter a relationship, a friendship, or even a ROOM for that matter, all those unsolicited beliefs and notions you have (whether positive or negative) will become your reality. Furthermore, if you don’t take the time to understand your personal beliefs or feelings towards men, women, relationships, etc, it can be incredibly detrimental. Not only is it important to understand why you think or feel the way you do and what to do about it, it’s also incredibly important that you take time to understand your partner and their beliefs and needs as well.
Most importantly, are the beliefs you have hurting or helping your relationship?
Let me give you an example.
A guy dates (or even marries) a woman who has been cheated on in the past. Unfortunately, now she has some trust issues with men because she doesn’t understand WHY, HOW, WHAT might lead a man to cheat. (PROBLEM 1 – not understanding the cause of an affair) Therefore, she tries to protect herself by having some certainty that it won’t happen again wanting more insight or control over her current relationship. (PROBLEM 2 – she’s assuming because one man cheated, all others will AND that controlling him or their relationship may prevent it) So this guy notices she is controlling, just like his mom or previous girlfriend, he thinks “All women are controlling.” (PROBLEM 3 – assumptions without understanding) because his previous girlfriend, or mom, were quite controlling, but it was actually because they liked to plan out a very organized schedule. Maybe it drove him nuts. Now he is in a relationship with a woman who is ‘controlling’ for a completely different reason.
Now, both the man and woman are in trouble because neither are taking time to understand WHY someone by do, or think, or act the way they do and then respond to that. Rather, they assume, accuse or worse ACT out wildly in spite of frustration and continue to find themselves in the same relationship over and over again. WHY!? Because they never take time to work on themselves by looking for ways to change their beliefs in so that they are beautiful and enriching to the relationship, not damaging and harmful!!
So it’s incredibly important you take time to work on yourself!! If you don’t take time to understand the beliefs you have going into a relationship, you’ll only continue to focus on the past being the future. A much better solution, would be to understand WHY you have those beliefs, are they helping or harming, and how you can change them to improve and grow your relationship, not burn it down.