Hope you all had an amazing holiday weekend and took the time to celebrate with your family and friends.
We just got back from visiting my mom in Asheville, NC and dropping off our puppy for his spring break since we are going to be on the road for some back to back to back travel coming up!
Today in JRCtv we are diving into what it takes to keep those sparks alive in a relationship, the magic sauce that makes someone feel important. This is also one of the 7 key factors that relationship expert John Gottman says helps to build long lasting trust and commitment in a relationship.
What are we focused on today…. CURIOSITY!
How to practice staying deeply curious about the person that you choose to be in a relationship with. For some of us, it comes easy because we tend to be curious about EVERYTHING! Yet for others, it can be a bit tricky because once we know enough about our life partner we tend to just move on to the next topic…. this can lead to massive pain and eventually divorce (just a heads up on that one).
To your success,
Prefer to read? No problem. Here is the transcription for today’s episode of JRCtv:
Hey there! Welcome back to another episode of JRCTV.
Yes we are still in beautiful Vail, Colorado as you can see the beautiful, epic scenery behind us. Today we’re talking about something that can literally be a making point or breaking point of any relationship you’re in.
We’re gonna focus on intimate relationships because it’s important but you can use this concept for a business relationship, friendship, or you know just an acquaintance, or you can use it for even getting to know your kids or family better and someway shape or form and what we’re talking about is the ability to be deeply and profoundly curious about the person that you’re in a relationship with. What does that mean?
Well what it means is you wanna get to know what is their blueprint, meaning their thoughts, their beliefs, their values, the organizing principle and pillars by which they live their life. Here’s what’s wild, most of us are not really that aware consciously of our own belief system, our own organizing foundational principles and pillars. How do I know that? Because if I were to say what’s most important do you have in life?
You might say? “Okay, okay now you might come to that, what else is most important to you in life? Now if you are to take the one or two, here’s my question, when did you consciously decide that and what point in your life did you sit down and say, okay here’s all my options and everything I could value.
I could value love, I could value spirituality, I could value God, I could value giving, I could value being successful, I could value being a good person, I could value making a difference, being strong, being powerful, I could value all kind of stuff, I’m going to choose this one. When did you do that last?
Now for some of you, you might have done it but for most of you, I’m gonna say you never consciously made the decision. You’re living by default. Meaning you’re community, your friends, your family, where you grew up, who you hang up with, where you worked, a mentor, someone you look up to, told you something and you were “Oh yeah, that’s right” and now you’re just living by default instead of by choice.
So right now what I want you to do is first, download today’s worksheet we’re giving you a handful of questions on the majors of life something we talked about in our book ‘Live It! Achieve Success by Living with Purpose’, in chapter two and three we talked about the majors of life , health, emotions, relationships, spirituality, business, finances, your time management, relationships, community, the major elements of life and in this worksheet today that we’re gonna give you on the blog jairekrobbins.com/blog,check out this blog, download the worksheet when you get it it’s gonna have a couple of questions in each section not all of them but a couple to help you get a head start and it’s gonna help you to find what you really believe and what you really value in each of this major categories on life.
Now I want you to start by first answering the questions yourself and then I want you to go to someone you care about, your significant other, your spouse, your kids, your family, your friends, your co workers maybe even your business partner or associates possibly a client, someone you wanna get to know better and I want you to have them answer the questions as well.
Then after they answer and after you answer the questions separately share them with each other I want you to become curious about what they believe that’s number step 1. So step 1 is defining yourself. Step 2 share with each other and then here’s step 3, I want to have you dig deep into why they believe that and I want you to help define when did they start believing that.
This will help you create a tighter bond with each other and so the very first step is to say, what do you value in health? And then they tell you and then you say why do you value that and let them explain and say, what moment of your life, what events, what situations? What significant emotional experiences caused you to believe that?
And what will happen is you’ll start to get to know this person at a whole different level of depth because you’ll start to understand why they’ve chosen to believe certain core elements of their life certain core foundational beliefs of who they are you’ll start to learn why they’ve chosen that and what happened in their life that caused them to believe that or caused them to choose that.
This is really important, it’ll create depth and connection in a whole new level for you both. Now the reason it can make or break a relationship that’s how to make a relationship better, how can this break a relationship? Really simple if you don’t know why someone believes things they believe and you don’t know what caused them to believe that and you don’t know how they came to that conclusion and how long they’ve thought it?
Could you imagine when butt heads on a concept and you have no empathy, or caring or understanding of how they came to that conclusion and you think just their wrong and they think you’re wrong this is where relationships, you butt head and things get hairy and falls apart.
So instead take time to do this in advance, get to know them cause here’s what’s wild. We fall in love and get excited we think and assume that they believe what we believe and they value what we value and we’re just the same, it’s not true. As much as we wanna believe it, its drugs in your head, oxytocin is kicking in, dopamine is kicking in, you’re all excited and you start to assume stuff. Don’t assume, ask! Get to know them and get to know them with depth not just surface not just say, why do you believe that?
Okay good, but why do you believe that and what caused you what experiences happened in your life, health , emotions, business, family, what moments occurred that caused you to form that belief , that experience … now you have more depth connection and empathy with that person.
So have fun with today’s worksheet, download it, follow the steps: first, figure out yourself, second have them do it, third share with each other fourth, ask them why or how did you come on that belief then dig deep and figure out what moment caused them to believe that and have fun getting to know each other at a whole different level.
Have fun with this and I’ll see you next week for another episode of JRCTv.